Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
