My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
