well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
last night I used snow as a chaser
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
