You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
