Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
