What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
