i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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