New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
