Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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