I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
