I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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