the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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