dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
