Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
