mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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