Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
