no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
