Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
