69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
