FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
