it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
