there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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