life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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