i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
