You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
