grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
