I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
