Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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