but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
