I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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