I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
