I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
