I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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