I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
