I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
try to milk me bitch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
