Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it hurts more in the daytime
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
