I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
