Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
