Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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