Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
