are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
