I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
