uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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