he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
