When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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