Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
