when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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