ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
