I think i peed on brittanys purse
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
