if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
