Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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