i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
