She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
