I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
